Here was a man who had known how to create for himself in his
own soul an oasis of rest, not by practising a selfish indifference to,
and isolation from, public matters--not by placing his hopes in some
future paradise, the compensation of terrestrial suffering, but by rising
superior to external events, and, whilst fulfilling his duty as emperor
and man, not allowing himself to be flustered or perturbed by the
inevitable. "Abolish opinion, you have abolished this complaint, 'Some one
has harmed me.' Suppress the complaint, 'Some one has harmed me,' and the
harm itself is suppressed." What wisdom in these words!
It was a long while since I had thus enjoyed a quiet read. For several
months past my life had been a ceaseless round of feverish activity.
Looking back, it seemed to me that I had allowed myself to be strangely
preoccupied and flustered by trifles. What were these important duties
which had so absorbed me as to leave me no time for thought, for study, no
time to live my own life? How had I come to give such undue importance to
the publication of a paper which, after all, was read by a very few, and
those few for the most part already blind believers in the ideas it
advocated? Yet I told myself that the _Tocsin_ had done good work,
and could yet do much. Besides, I had undertaken it, I must go on with it;
life without an object would be intolerable. The slow hours passed, and
when night came I felt thoroughly worn out and exhausted, and soon got to
sleep.
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