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Bangs, John Kendrick, 1862-1922

"The Bicyclers and Three Other Farces"

I'm not an octopus.
Barlow (taking him by the arm and pushing him into chair). You can't
get out of it, Ted. Here--read up. There--take my book.
[Thrusts play-book into his hand.
Bradley. Here's mine, too, Thaddeus. Read 'em both at once, and
then you'll have gone over it twice.
[Throws his book into Perkins's lap.
Perkins. I tell you--
Mrs. Perkins. Just this once, Teddy--please--for me.
Yardsley. You owe it to your position, Perkins. You are the only
man here that knows anything about anything. You've frequently said
so. You were doing it all, anyhow, you know--and you're host--the
audience are your guests--and you're so clever and--
Perkins. But--
Enter Jennie.
Jennie. Dinner is served, ma'am. [Exit.
Yardsley. Good! Perk, I'll be your under-study at dinner, while you
are studying up. Ladies and gentlemen, kindly imagine that I am
host, that Perkins does not exist. Come along, Mrs. Bradley. Miss
Andrews, will you take my other arm? I'll escort Lady Amaranth and
the maid out. We'll leave the two Featherheads to fight it out for
the Lady Ellen.


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