What am I? First place, host; second place,
head usher; third place, curtain-manager; fourth place, fire
department; fifth place, Bess says if children holler, go up and see
what's the matter other words, nurse--and on top of this you say keep
an eye on the play. You must think I've as many eyes as a
President's message.
Mrs. Perkins. Oh dear, Teddy! do behave. It's simple enough--
Perkins. Simple enough? Well, I like that. How am I to tell one
bell from another if--
Yardsley (dryly). I suppose if the clock strikes ten you'll seesaw
the curtain up and down ten times, once for each stroke--eh?
Bradley (poking his head in at the door). What's the matter in here?
Emma's been waiting for her cue like a hundred-yards runner before
the pistol.
Perkins. Oh, it's the usual trouble with Yardsley. He wants me to
chaperon the universe.
Yardsley. It's the usual row with you. You never want to do
anything straight. You seem to think that curtain's an elevator, and
you're the boy--yanking it up and down at your pleasure, and--
Mrs. Perkins. Oh, please don't quarrel! Can't you see, Ted, it's
growing late? We'll never have the play rehearsed, and it's barely
three hours now before the audience will arrive.
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