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Bangs, John Kendrick, 1862-1922

"The Bicyclers and Three Other Farces"

Perkins. We've got
a great deal to do, and unfortunately hours are limited in length as
well as in number. Ah! that fireplace must be covered up. Wouldn't
do to have a fireplace in a conservatory. Wilt all the flowers in
ten minutes.
Mrs. Perkins (meekly). You needn't have the fire lit, need you?
Barlow. No--but--a fireplace without fire in it seems sort of--of
bald, don't you think?
Yardsley. Bald? Splendid word applied to a fireplace. So few
fireplaces have hair.
Mrs. Bradley. Oh, it could be covered up without any trouble,
Bessie. Can't we have those dining-room portieres to hang in front
of it?
Yardsley. Just the thing. Dining-room portieres always look well,
whether they're in a conservatory or a street scene. (Enter
Perkins.) Hello, Thaddeus! How d' y'? Got your overalls on?
Perkins (trying to appear serene). Yes. I'm ready for anything.
Anything I can do?
Bradley. Yes--look pleasant. You look as if you were going to have
your picture taken, or a tooth pulled. Haven't you a smile you don't
need that you can give us? This isn't a funeral.
Perkins (assuming a grin).


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