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Bangs, John Kendrick, 1862-1922

"The Bicyclers and Three Other Farces"

Rushes into parlor and throws
herself on sofa.) To think of it--Emma Bradley! (Telephone-bell
rings violently again; Mrs. Perkins goes to it.) Hello! Yes. Tell
Ed what? To ask for Mrs. Willoughby Hawkins. Who's she? What,
_you_! (Drops the receiver; runs to window.) Thaddeus! Mr.
Yardsley! Mr. Barlow!--all of you come here, quick.
[They rush in. Perkins with shawl-strap about his waist--limping.
Barlow has large air-pump in his hand. Mrs. Perkins grows faint.
Perkins. Great heavens! What's the matter?
Barlow. Get some water--quick!
[Yardsley runs for water.
Mrs. Perkins. Air! Give me air!
Perkins (grabbing pump from Barlow's hand). Don't stand there like
an idiot! Act! She wants air!
[Places pump on floor and begins to pump air at her.
Barlow. Who's the idiot now? Wheel her over to the window. She's
not a bicycle.
They do so. Mrs. Perkins revives.
Perkins. What is the matter?
Mrs. Perkins. Mrs. Willoughby Hawkins--arrested--Forty-second
Street--no lamp--bailed out. Oh, dear me, dear me! It'll all be in
the papers!
Perkins. What's that got to do with us? Who's Mrs.


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